We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
