do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
