my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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