Pappa wants mamma naked
Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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