Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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