Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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