He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
