you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
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She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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