I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
