I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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