I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
