His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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