I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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