are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
