Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
