there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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