does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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