just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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