i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Randomize
