sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
