If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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