Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
