When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
