He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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