I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
