What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
