champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
