I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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