Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize