If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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