I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
