I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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