Barsexuality is the new black.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
