Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Floor bacon is actually really good
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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