i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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