The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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