I am in a vortex of obligation.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
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Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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