If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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