at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
