I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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