look no pants
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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