just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
