Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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