Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
