if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
