dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Be still, my beating vagina.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
