I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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