how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
