If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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