I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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