in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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