I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
