Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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