Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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