all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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