I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
