Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
