i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
