paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it penis luge time yet?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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